Looking to Leave the Box

One of the most important rules of keeping a blog is to not neglect it. In technically doing so, I more so have been neglecting the urge to share what's on my mind, because right now it's a forceful melee in my brain and I don't know what arguments I want to break up and settle right now.

Commence purging of free-flowing worries:

• National Student Exchange for the entirety of next school year? In LA or NYC, or elsewhere? Or study abroad? I'm feenin' for change and I'm looking at the extremes. 
• Why is it that one of the people I care so much about must reside 500 miles away, permanently, starting in two weeks? NOW who am I going to go the beach with at sundown this summer and dry off with an emergency fire blanket and stuff hairnets in our pants and go rollerblading in the wrong direction?
• I'm on academic probation with my sorority which started with spring semester '11 due to extreme extenuating circumstances that failed to be recognized, and I now failed to meet the bar again (just barely) due to a whole nother story. I have to find if that means the boot or a restriction on social activities. (Jump to next bullet for direct continuation) This also means that my GPA is short of the requirement to the school I have been wanting to apply to for two years now, and short of the recommended GPA for another school that would be the preferred backup. This branches out to the hours of lecturing I am probably going to receive from my family.
• ...Thing is, it just might be the daring shove I've needed because right now the means of my sovereignty has a considerable surplus of pros versus the cons on paper--I just don't know about the actual living it out. I pay for every penny and am down to not many pennies; I have a plethora of material that would like to be performed on Monday nights but can't until the day I no longer need to attend mandatory meeting (a little side intention to the NSE in LA or NYC - I call it "following my dreams"); and am starting to feel the walls closing in in a way that they didn't feel before, and I'm finding these urges to explore outside "the box," as I call it. This would involve living on my own, real-world style and not sorority style, with the bonus of not having to pay live-out dues.
  Having truly spread myself too thin this semester, I realize who I really need to bother spending my time with, and those would be the people who I feel I can really be myself around. Find the vice versa in that situation and you'll catch my drift. I'm quite tired of censoring myself and being scolded for when I don't. It must be made known that I adore each and every one of my sisters, but I feel I'm at the point in life where I need to prioritize who I spend my time with because at the end of the day, some of the people who I care about the most aren't the ones filling my proximity with their presence. (Note the "some" because the rest are in fact ones that I have met through sisterhood.) The issue is both physical and the issue of "the box." I have comfortably decided that should the ladies within my current sisterhood whom I consider my truly best friends decide to change their ways in our friendship, due to this situation of grades and money, that I would not be at a loss but rather at an advantage from being burden-free of false friendship. But I do not see this happening, as I am thinking of a select handful that know me pretty damn well, and have been my life-saving confidants in the hardest time of my life (note: extenuating circumstances that resulted in the academic probation). As for the brothers that are a part of the house I so dearly love, I have zilch worries. They're dudes and I've seen them treat young women who drop their houses just the same as before. I know that the street would go both ways with the ladies as far as communication goes, but I would so dearly hope that a true friend should feel no need to feel any different in future run-ins with old sisters. The fact of the matter is, is that the whole situation boils down to money and anything else mentioned above is what I have worked with as "the bright side" to a possible ultimatum or lack thereof, in which I am referring to das boot. The buh-bye. 
• Internships for the summer. Where to look? Should I feel like I'm derailing off the tracks if I find myself working so I can see my bank account look a little more alive?
• Sleep: So far I'm pretty good at doing really bad in trying to fix my sleep schedule. I'm literally nocturnal. I'm very productive at night however!
• Also, why has the investigator not fucking called me back?! Do not excuse my language, as it's a matter that should not be taken lightly. Voicemails and several phone calls and a month past last time's estimate... I feel like something is off and that it's not in my favor. 
• Life in general. What am I looking to achieve? For some reason I feel so empty of answers right now, and have never felt so not-myself. 

So, that is what's been pending and it seems that each issue stems into another branch of related issues. 

In the mean time, I'm enjoying doing nothing classwork-related during winter break and seeing all my freakin' wonderful friends from back home (and from when life was simpler and seemingly happier).

7am is rolling around, I better hop into bed. Goodnight friends.